How is it to be a person with Social Anxiety ??
Going inside the mind of a person with social anxiety and understanding what they feel.
Have you ever come across any individual who gets off with a social gathering without speaking a word, who always sticks to a corner as if they are disconnected from the surroundings, who doesn’t crack nor enjoy any jokes etc.
The majority of the people think they are Timid wallflowers, Arrogant, Attention seekers, and the list goes on……But at the end of the day, they are almost always labeled as a Weirdo :((.
Broadly these so-called Weirdos act weird if they are (Not everyone, the majority belongs to these categories)
1) Shy — Feels Uncomfortable to open up or express themselves.
2) Introvert — Who chooses not to open up and primarily focus on their internal thoughts and feelings.
3) Social Anxiety — These are the people we are going to talk about now 👇👇
Before discussing what goes on inside the mind of a socially anxious person…..Let’s go through some situations that are Imaginary & Hypothetical, but try to relate with them.
1) Imagine yourself in a situation where you are in front of the jury of N number of persons in a judiciary court. You are about to give a speech based on which the jury will decide whether to spare your life or not.
Now try to feel the pressure on yourself as it is life vs. death situation, where every word that comes out of your mouth is being evaluated and judged.
2) Imagine yourself in a society where any little embarrassment is a punishable crime, and if you are embarrassed, you are going to suffer for your whole life.
Now try to feel the fear of embarrassment on yourself before performing any action.
3) Imagine yourself with a group of highly sensitive people, who may completely abandon you when they are offended even slightly or even if it is for fun.
Now try to feel how much uncomfortable it is for you, as you have to ensure every second, that you are not offending the other person you are talking to.
These situations look funny, stupid and ridiculous, right 😅 😅 😅?? You’ll come back to these again and am sure these won’t be funny then.
Wondering why we are talking about these funny, stupid, ridiculous Situations ??
Wondering why we are here imagining all those weird, Irrational situations when we are here to know about Social Anxiety ??
Because that’s how a socially anxious person imagines every day-to-day situation in his life. The mind of a socially anxious person is too creative, such that it creates a whole new wonderland (Just like how James Cameron created a completely new Universe, Pandora in Avatar), where situations are very hard on themselves. A socially anxious person constantly goes through the
- Fear of being Judged/Evaluated by others
- Fear of being Embarrassed or Humiliated
- Fear of accidentally Offending Someone
- Fear of Rejection/Left-out/not fitting in
- Fear of being the Centre of Attraction
- Fear of People noticing their fear and considering them weak(Like Compound Interest….which is interest on interest)
What is Social Anxiety Like ??
He finds it difficult to walk down the street because he’s too self-conscious and feels, that people are watching him from their windows. What if, he runs into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He’s not sure if he can do that. So, he ends up sitting at home.
He is too afraid to wave his hand at his friend, as he is afraid of embarrassment. What if his friend doesn’t recognize him, what if his friend ignore or didn’t observe him. So, he chooses not to wish his friend to avoid embarrassment.
He is extremely afraid that he is too boring, too silly, too lame while talking in a group of people which makes it hard for him to speak. So, he chooses not to speak when he is in a group of people.
He is too afraid, that he is not a good company in social gatherings or outings, He is too afraid, that his reaction would be soo bad for surprises or any special occasions. So, he ends up acting as if he doesn’t care or wasn’t interested in any of it.
He is too afraid to express himself even in front of his loved ones with the fear of making them feel uncomfortable. So, he eventually ends up being a reserved person which also affects his relationships.
For a Social anxious person, almost every situation of his life is associated with some irrational fear. His mind is constantly flooded with thoughts like I’m going to do something embarrassing, I am not likeable, People are going to hate me, I won’t know what to say, I am too boring, I am Uninteresting, Something is wrong with me etc which holds him back from being himself.
How Social Anxiety Affects a Person ??
It reduces his self-esteem & confidence, makes him overly self-conscious, makes him self-criticise and does much more than we can imagine.
It makes him feel lonely and unworthy for relationships.
To hide these fears from the world, he tries to project himself as a person who doesn’t care about others, Arrogant, so that others won’t think he is weak.
Now once again go through the above hypothetical situations we spoke about (Be serious this time) and I guess those makes sense now.
What Causes this?
Everything that happens with a socially anxious person is an illusion within their brain and we can’t blame them for it. These are all the fears developed within themselves because of various experiences they have in their life like
- Overly strict parenting
- Bullying by peers
- Physical/ Emotional Abuse
- Bad Relationships
These experiences vary for every individual. Social Anxiety is Genetic too.
Life of a Social Anxious person is soo dramatic and depressed right ???
Yes, it is. But again, the intensity varies from person to person depending upon his own experiences.
How can we help our Socially Anxious friends?
A socially anxious person is constantly fighting with some irrational fears which mostly aren’t real. Therefore, any rational response from you isn’t going to help him.
There is nothing much we (a second person) can do to make them overcome Social anxiety, as it depends mostly upon their self will.
What we can do is, we can comfort them from certain situations and bring their confidence up. As a friend, one can do some small things/gestures like
- Make efforts to frequently let them know, that they are not being judged and they’re doing well.
- Try to be with them while they are in distress, be a shoulder to lean on and make them feel safe.
- Distract them from the irrational fears and questions which are flooding in their mind by cracking a joke, playing a game etc.
- Try to make social situations a bit comfortable for them i.e try checking on them once in every few hours and be there for them if they express any discomfort at any point.
A good friend with a bit of patience, care and understanding is what they need to feel safe.
This is a small attempt to make you understand what goes on inside the mind of a socially anxious person and how it feels to be a person with an invisible illness called Social Anxiety.
I would not call Social Anxiety ,a disorder, it’s a mindset which was shaped that way because of their personal experiences and influences of surroundings they were in, which I certainly believe can be overcome 😃 😃.
I hope you found this informative !!
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